On the Origins of Namesies

For some unknown reason there are people out there who to wish know what their ancestors were like. Who Do You Think You Are? remains popular well into its seventeenth series (or season, if you’re an American). Barely five minutes passes on the television before something pops up from Ancestry wherein some man with a Northern accent comments about how knowing his Great-Great-Grandfather was a … Continue reading On the Origins of Namesies

The Time I Accidentally Defenestrated Myself by Falling Out of a Second Floor Window at a House Party.

With each passing day it becomes more and more obvious to me that I will not become famous. This does not particularly trouble me, as I have written numerous times about my desire to remain anonymous. What I do lament, however, is the lack of riches that will come along with that lack of fame. Time and time again a lottery jackpot is won and … Continue reading The Time I Accidentally Defenestrated Myself by Falling Out of a Second Floor Window at a House Party.

Clean out Your Dead, We Have a Planet to Save.

Cemeteries bring me peace. I think this is because, like every other member of my generation, I long for the Eternal Sleep. The dead have it easy—even easier than the rich, who have the money to never worry, and the stupid, who lack the brainpower to comprehend their own pitiful existence. Cadavers need not concern themselves about finding employment and paying the bills: they have … Continue reading Clean out Your Dead, We Have a Planet to Save.