Clean out Your Dead, We Have a Planet to Save.

Cemeteries bring me peace. I think this is because, like every other member of my generation, I long for the Eternal Sleep. The dead have it easy—even easier than the rich, who have the money to never worry, and the stupid, who lack the brainpower to comprehend their own pitiful existence. Cadavers need not concern themselves about finding employment and paying the bills: they have … Continue reading Clean out Your Dead, We Have a Planet to Save.

A Perfect Slice of Banana Bread

Over the course of my soon-to-be twenty-nine years on this planet I have eaten many slices of banana bread. I have eaten other foods in that time too—but none of them have brought me as much joy as banana bread. This is perhaps why, despite not yet having reached thirty, I resemble Robert Paulson. Unlike Paulson, I cannot claim hormonal imbalance for my gynecomastia. People … Continue reading A Perfect Slice of Banana Bread

The Madness of Enjoying The Mask of Zorro

I recently wrote an article in which I expressed a fondness for the film Highlander. This, I thought, was a rather uncontroversial statement. Especially in light of my call for the government to effectively mug international students. Yet, to my dismay, it was this assertion that Highlander is an enjoyable film that met with the ire of an unknown assailant of indeterminate gender. And what … Continue reading The Madness of Enjoying The Mask of Zorro

The Cap on Tuition Fees in the United Kingdom

Taking a short break from its quest to be the most incompetent administration in the country’s history, the current government of the United Kingdom has today published the Augar Review, the long-awaited report on the state of tuition fees. In it, Augar suggests the cost of university tuition to be cut from its current cost of c.£9,000 a year to £7,500, due to many courses … Continue reading The Cap on Tuition Fees in the United Kingdom